One simple tool for becoming a better lover.

One simple, but not necessarily easy, thing you can do to become a better lover = learn to talk sex.

By that I do NOT mean saying something like “hey baby, I wanna fuck.”

Instead, find out what your partner lovvves to hear you say about her and say that. You can find out by trying out various lines and seeing how she responds, or by literally asking her “what are some things I could say to you that would really turn you on?” Then, once you get the general idea of the types of things she likes to hear, you can improv.

If you were dating me I’d want you to say things like:

“Oh my GOD. You are the sexiest woman alive!”

“You are e v e r y t h i n g I want in a woman.”

“Your pussy is SO fucking gorgeous. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Hearing you say things like that, and really mean it, would turn up the volume on my arousal by a LOT. And I promise ~ the more turned on your partner is the better the experience is going to be for you too!

Don’t have a partner?

I get it! At the moment I’m actually single too! Try this as a solo exploration by asking yourself what things you’d love to hear a partner say about you. I invite you to keep a note in your phone or journal and whenever you hear a phrase that really gets you going, jot it down. Try saying these things to yourself when you wake up in the morning or while looking in the mirror. And know that when a lovely being comes along that you’re excited about connecting with you’ll be able to give them a head start in knowing how to please you.

Learning to say what your partner loves to hear is a process that takes time and vulnerability.

Don’t beat yourself up if this feels challenging or you don’t nail it right away! You are embarking on the journey of learning how to love someone, and it’s not easy! If you need some support I’d love to be there for you! In a one-on-one or couples intimacy coaching session we can practice talking sex in a safe space where you don’t have to worry about being judged or rejected. Click here to book a session with me.

P.S. I’m using the pronouns “she/her” in this post to simplify things, but you can use this tip to turn on lovers of all genders and non-genders!